Queer Eye for the Straight Unicyclist

This month marks the second anniversary of my biggest tv-related disappointment: I was passed over for an appearance on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

I applied when the show was about at its hottest, so I was thrilled when I got called in for an interview. I went to a quiet space on East 22nd Street where some shows were holding auditions. A few guys were before me, but they were done fast. When it was my turn, the interviewer mentioned a few items from my application that had immediately grabbed her interest: I was a judge at the Miss Fire Island drag queen contest? How did THAT happen? We talked about that for awhile, both of us imagining how it might work with the Queer Eye guys, and then she asked me about unicycling. I had had to submit a photo of myself, so I chose the one where I'm pushing my older two in the stroller. We also talked about Shirra (who was pregnant at the time -- maybe that could work in the show), my clothes, my house, and so forth.

A few weeks later, I got another call, this time setting up a home interview. This was a big deal, because of the 700+ applicants per week, only a small handful get to this level -- perhaps a dozen. Right away my chances for getting onto the show were magnified a hundredfold. The home interview went swimmingly, too -- I even demonstrated my unicycling for the pair of interviewers (a young man and woman), and when it was over, they told me that I would be notified by phone if I were chosen for the show. If I didn't hear from them, that was good news, too -- it would mean that I was still in the running. The only bad news I could get is if they sent me a "Dear John" e-mail. This was in early October of 2003.

Months went by. I lost e-mail service at school one day and realized that if they tried to contact me with bad news, their e-mail would bounce back, so I called my contact at the show. She reassured me that I was not only still in the running but that the producers had just that day gone over my application and had decided to keep me in the pool a bit longer. I kept my fingers mogen-davided (that's what Jews do -- no 'fingers crossed' for us).

Then one day in February, 2004, I heard a ping on my school computer. I was on the phone with Shirra at the time. I looked at the screen and saw the sender's address: info@queereye.com. I knew it was the "Dear Straight Guy" letter. That was a big downer.

For months after, I kept hoping they'd reconsider (or run out of guys) and call me. Or that the producer would say that I was perfect for some other show they were trying to populate. Or....

I haven't been able to watch the show since. I don't experience too many sadnesses in life, and this certainly isn't one, but as much as it makes for an interesting story, it certainly was one of the biggest bummers of my life.