Barbie Weekend at K-Mart

Sydney, Oz, 1989

This is a piece I wrote in 1989 that I just rediscovered last week. It actually ran in "Honi Soit," the newspaper of the University of Sydney, under my pseudonym, Ned K DaVisto. Altho it has nothing to do with unicycling, I thought you'd enjoy:

Day 2

I sit on a borrowed director's chair across from three fold-out tables piled with Barbie dolls (and accessories) and Disney toys. I am doing a three-day demo for Mattel. There is a TV and video system set-up promoting Knit Magic, a clever and relatively inexpensive knitting machine that makes clothes for Fun-to-Dress Barbie. Nearby, I have arranged the machine with some thread already running through it. About half the people who try it out absentmindedly turn the handle the wrong way, ruining the stitch. Short of standing up and hovering over the apparatus, there is no way I can prevent this, and I am forced to re-stitch the machine. But I have become quite proficient at it; my best design so far is a hat.

People are curious about absolutely everything... or are they just incredibly bored? Grown men stop and stare at the instructional video, transfixed by the actions of a pre-pubescent girl twirling her pink plastic mechanisms. Little kids, notoriously fickle, drop whatever they are holding to pick up the closest available object; in this manner, I have acquired a small Batmobile, a beaten-up watch, and an Oscar-the-Grouch figurine. When I get up to demonstrate the doll whole clothes change colour or wind the locomotive of the Mickey Mouse train set, someone invariably examines the chair I have just vacated, noting the price and occasionally testing it for comfort. Some even fiddle with the knobs of the television set, as it it, too, were on display. And when, at the start of or close of the day, the Mattel products are back in their boxes, many closely examine the tables as well, usually to see if the legs fold easily. The only thing no-one has taken time to test is the extension cord leading from the TV to the nearby outlet; no doubt this would change if there were a price tag on it.

I am demonstrating seventeen things. Nine are Barbie-related; seven are of the Mickey Mouse genre, all aimed at pre-schoolers. Only one thing is aimed at the average 8-13 year old boy: the He-Man Powersword. When activated by one of its buttons, the plastic battery-operated sword is even louder than the video. This is a fortunate feature for a demonstrator: It helps me locate the toy when it has been "borrowed" by a noise-happy swashbuckler. Since few parents feel obligated to return it to the scene of the crime, I have to chase it down. (The farthest it has made it is three departments away from me, where a three-and-a-half-foot tall blond boy was wailing it into the stomachs of teddy bears.) Some of the boys have expressed dissatisfaction with the toys offered their sex. Thy seem compelled, though, to make the most of the display, and usually end up playing with the Disney train set, or nearly as often, the knitting machine (until their mothers remind them "that's for girls" in an effort to remove them from my area).

By far the least bored person is me. I observe everything, determined, as an American, to understand the Australian family a bit. Many things surprise me: I am surprised that Mattel doesn't mind having a man run a Barbie display. I am surprised how few little girls grab their mum's leg when I approach. I am surprised at how much more sociable young girls are than young boys. I am surprised how many girls can boast of having over a dozen Barbie dolls.

I had forgotten how much money parents spend on their kids, but then again, Chrissy is around the corner.

Final Observations, Day 2:
1. Someone has nicked my Disney Fire Trick Shape Sorter(TM). Unfortunately, it doesn't make a very loud noise; I shall probably not be able to find it.
2. Australian kids seem to have braces much less often than their American counterparts. Someone tells me this is because they are not hyper about having a "perfect" smile.
3. There is still on-one interested in Barbie Colour-Change Nails(TM).
4. Most of those who examine the TV itself are old men.